The Sin of Fathers Who Substitute Their Presence with Presents

It's really tragic to how we have fathers who spend way more time in making money than their families. Although one's job (whether it's one's business or working for somebody else' business) puts food in the table - it's never an excuse not to spend time with the children! Some fathers are too focused on making billions (while neglecting their children). Then they wonder why their children are not as financially adept as they are. Did they expect that their children would just inherit their greatness without lifting a finger or without them training their children early on, on how to make money? To make up for their absence - they decide to foolishly replace presence with presents. Hmmm, should I even call that Santa Claus parenting? It's because the mythical figure of Santa Claus only shows up once a year to give loads of goodies to those who were supposedly not in the naughty list.

Now, nothing is wrong with giving presents but the presence is more important. I remembered how I used to say as an unsaved child, "Only if I had what the other has, I'd be happy then!" which was just stupid. The reason why some richer children were happy was not that they were born rich. It's because of rich parents who don't substitute presence with presents. Unfortunately, we've got parents regardless of social income who think that substituting presents with presence will make up for their absences. You can talk about the philandering father who still supports his wife and children - thinking that he can outweigh his sins by doing so when it can't (James 2:10-11). Just because the father supports the family in spite of his philandering doesn't excuse him of his sins.

Some fathers have gone as stupid as to leave their own children with relatives (such as one's mother-in-law) or mother, give loads of presents during birthdays, Christmas and graduation, then they wonder why their children still don't have a warm relationship with them. You can think of the child who'd rather be with their grandparents who don't give them much over a father who gives them much. Maybe, all the grandparents would do is to take their child out for regular ice cream on the weekends and the father buys plenty of expensive presents. Yet, the presence of the grandparents makes that regular ice cream more special than the expensive presents that the father gives. It's because presents can never be a substitute for presence.

If fathers doing business want their children to walk in their footsteps then the answer isn't relying on the fact that they are genetically his children. The answer lies in training the child to walk in their footsteps with realistic expectations, not to overindulge them, and to discipline them when need be. The children can only learn the dos and don't better if the father is actually physically training them. They can't rely on universities and books to do so because they will only expect extreme disappointment when their children fail to do as they expect. Instead, it's all about Proverbs 22:6 - training the children the way they should go and both parents have the task of doing so. These children should be trained on how to get money and put food on the table. It's because children need to be trained to put food on the table!

There are also fathers can also be too focused on giving their child or children with what the latter wants. This can also cause serious problems such as engaging in illicit businesses and sleazy transactions to keep up with the fads of the world. Isn't it getting more typical that children envy their classmates for having nicer stuff - never mind that maybe said classmate having nicer stuff may have family financial problems in the process? They decide that they must get all that money no matter what. Never mind that they should be more focused on money to pay for their basic necessities. Stuff like the latest gadgets and nice cars can come later and can be done without. It's more important to get money for food, utilities, and clothing than the nice stuff the other person has. Children may not appreciate the parents saying "No!" at first but they would later appreciate it that their fathers never gave them everything. You may even expect them to work hard for certain stuff of what they never had as a child. They must also teach their children the same that working for what you want is more satisfying than to keep getting handed everything on a silver platter.

This is why God also has discouraged sex outside the marriage bed. Marriage was only meant for biblical marriages. Children born of premarital sex and adultery (which also includes polygamy or having multiple spouses) are bound to suffer this one - especially if they find out that they were born out of illegitimacy. The only real healthy family is one established in a godly marriage. I don't get surprised to see David's family fell apart because he had so many wives - it only resulted in him having a poor bond with Amnon and Absalom because he soon got too busy with more women that he can't take care of his children. It's no wonder Solomon couldn't train Rehoboam to be a good king - he was too busy with all his women. A godly marriage is the best way to raise godly children and not an ungodly marriage. This is the only way to guarantee that there would be fathers to guide the children properly in a biblical family view.